And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
