he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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