Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
