I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
