Dual....:-)
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
