I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
