I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
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