I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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