I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
