he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
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