For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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