He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
