Three words: puerto rican gang bang
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
