I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
