I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
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