he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
