Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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