Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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