I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
