I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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