A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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