jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
