swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
So much rum. So many feels.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
