There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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