you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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