i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
