Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
