I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I think I sprained my soul last night
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
