I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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