just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
