bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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