Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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