I got chris browned last night
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
