I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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