Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
