My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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