Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
