so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize