I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
