Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
