We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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