If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Randomize
