maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
