HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
