how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize