Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
