Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
