I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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