My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
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