If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
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