did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
