if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
