Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
