There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize