Hey man sorry I got all grabby
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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