the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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