He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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