Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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