He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
