White coat. Heels.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
