guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
