I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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