do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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