We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
