Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
