He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
