so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
