i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
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