I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
